Going through a
break up is an unpleasant experience. I am sure most, if not all. experienced it at least once in the past. My
first marriage was not successful and I was more than relieved when the father
of my children left. I was alone in my task of raising three kids. I stood firm
and moved on. I wouldn’t be sitting here writing this article if I did not pull
myself out of the rut I was in.
Strong momma.
That’s what my friends have always known me to be.
I am a mother of
three, a daughter and two sons. My daughter is married and has a son. I would
say that she found herself a good husband. However, it is a different story
with my two sons. They have been in and out of failed relationships. I’ve seen
how they’ve had their hearts broken. I’ve seen their tears, their frustration,
and the loss of self-esteem.
I’ve seen them
through their pain, and it hurts me so much to see them suffer.
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If your child is
going through a break up, how would you handle it? Here are some tips a strong
momma should do:
1. Stop the blame.
Do not find fault
in either your child or his/her girlfriend/boyfriend. Remember that before the
break-up, they were so much in love with each other. Bad-mouthing the other
party will only bring more pain.
2. Let the
feelings flow.
Crying does not
make your son less of a man. The same goes with your daughter. Crying will
allow them to let go of the pain.
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3. Empathize
Be the person
willing to listen to what they have to say, no matter how senseless it may
seem. Teens and young adults going through a break up tend to talk about the
issue incessantly and they need someone to listen. Be there when they need to
talk. Hold their hand and hug them. Be understanding when they don’t feel like
talking yet. Always reassure them of your love.
4. Exercise and Endorphins
If you child
enjoyed sports before the break up, encourage them to get back on track. Better
yet, plan a family activity – hiking, a trip to the beach, even riding the bike
a few times around the block. Exercise can stimulate the brain to release
endorphins, also known as the “feel-good” hormone. An increased level of
endorphins in the blood can lessen the physical manifestations of pain and
therefore, your child will be able to manage stress better.
5. Prepare his/hers favorite healthy meals
Exposure to
stress can give rise to poor eating habits, which in turn may give rise to
disturbances in the body’s function. Make
sure he/she follows a regular eating schedule. Treat him/her to their “comfort
food” - a bowl of chicken soup, a cup of hot cocoa, their favorite casserole or
pasta dish.
6. Let them get enough sleep
Make your child
realize that staying up will not change the situation there are in. A good
night’s sleep will help repair the body, and make their thought process
function better. When my child suffered his first break up and had trouble
sleeping, I made him do this simple trick to fall asleep. I told him to lay on
his back, arms on his side and legs straight. I told him to imagine that he is
a sandbag and that the tips of his fingers and toes have little holes in them
and the sand slowly escapes through those holes. I told him to concentrate and
imagine that the sand slowly escaping represents all the hurt and pain he is
feeling. It worked wonders for him.
7. Be Positive
Be the "C" mom he/she expects you to be - cool, calm, collected. Remind him/her that everything happens for a reason, and that is what they need to find out. Encourage them to meet new people. Help them regain their confidence in themselves. Let them know that jumping into another relationship, just to spite their ex is not a good move. Let them heal their wounds first, pick up the broken pieces and be whole once more. The best advice I got from my parents was "Love yourself first. When you learn to do this, you will be able to love others." I use the same advice for my children, and I usually tweak it with, "Someone on this earth was born for you to love and love you back. Find that person. Be happy."
I know raising kids is not an easy task. Just take a step or two back and look at the issue from a wider perspective. Count to 10. Breathe. Relax.
Trust God. Everything will be fine.