Wednesday, October 22, 2014

Amplify the Blues

I love listening to music, any kind, depending on my mood and time of day. When I get the chance to go to a bar or music lounge, I prefer those that play the blues. It is so relaxing to listen to guitar players who are not only talented, but choose the best amplifiers to bring out the clearest tones. I may not be a frequent customer in music lounges but one thing I noticed is that the amplifiers that give the crisp tones are fender amplifiers.

I am fortunate to have a friend or two who play in a band and asked them about their amplifiers and where they buy them. My friend Jap said he got his amplifier online at http://www.musiciansfriend.com. I did some research on it and found out about specs and functions. I read product reviews and I enjoyed learning something about it. I am not a guitar player in anyway, (I wish I was!) but I guess it would be wise to get an amplifier only from a reputable source.

On my next music lounge escapade, I will not only listen to good music, I will also be there with added knowledge of how amplifiers work and where to get a good deal on them.

Fender Hot Rod Series Blues Junior NOS 15W 1x12 Tube Guitar Combo Amp

The Dengue Timeline and Unexpected Joy

My son, Irvin Jason, "Aton," as he is fondly called, was diagnosed with Dengue Fever. This is the second time one of my children had the disease. In 2012, it was my youngest son who got sick. I can't believe how dangerous the mosquitoes in Manila are! Aton's brush with Dengue was worse than Mickey's. I am writing this post to increase vigilance in spotting the tell-tale signs of Dengue.

Dengue Fever is a painful, debilitating mosquito-borne disease caused by any one of the four closely related dengue viruses. These viruses are related to the viruses that cause West Nile infection and yellow fever. (Source: WebMd, read the full article here)

Aton's Dengue Infection Timeline:

October 13, 2014, Monday. Aton called me from the dorm informing me that he was running a fever. The first thing that came to my mind was, "Oh my God. I hope he did not get Leptospirosis!" I remembered the day before he said waded in knee deep flood to get to the dorm. I told him to take lots of fluids, paracetamol every 4-6 hours and rest.

October 14, 2014, Tuesday. Aton's girlfriend, Marga sent me a text message saying Aton was still running a fever. I asked her if she could accompany Aton to the Student Clinic at UST. She said Aton was still weak and that they will go to there the next morning. I was getting several texts from Marga throughout the day, giving me updates on Aton's temperature. I noticed that his fever showed a spiking trend. I prayed that it would not be Dengue.

October 15, 2014, Wednesday. Aton and Marga went to the Student Clinic. Aton was instructed to continue taking paracetamol for the fever. The doctor said that if his temperature would still rise throughout the day, he should go back to have a blood test. At this time, Aton was already feeling weak and exhausted.

October 16, 2014, Thursday. My son headed back to the Student Clinic for a blood test. The results showed that his White Blood Cell count was way below the normal range. He was given admitting orders to a hospital. The working diagnosis was Typhoid Fever, to rule out Dengue Fever. 

October 17, 2014, Friday. Marga took Aton home so that he could be confined to a hospital here in Quezon City. Aton was pale and weak. I was able to reserve a hospital room for him in a small hospital near our house. With only a few thousand pesos to my name, I had him admitted. I wanted my boy to be well again. A low white blood cell count would make him susceptible to other infections. In the emergency room, they took another blood sample for a repeat blood count and a Dengue test. 



October 18, 2014, Saturday. The attending physician gives us the dreaded news. Aton tested positive for Dengue and that his platelet count was starting to drop. They did a fast drip for his intravenous fluid replacement. Aton was getting one liter of IV fluid every 6 hours. His platelet count upon admission was 151. He had two platelet counts today. The 8am result was 148, the 8pm results showed his platelet count dropped to 131. At this point, they had to monitor the color of his stool to check for signs of internal bleeding. Aton was not even allowed to brush his teeth for the same reason. 

October 19, 2014, Sunday. Aton was getting his appetite back. My mother would take breakfast, lunch and dinner for him everyday he was in the hospital. My mom said the hospital food has a very small serving size and that it would not be enough to make Aton recover quickly. My son showed signs of being back to his usual self, although he is still pale. His platelet count today was down to 121. My sister told me about this herb, locally known as "tawa-tawa," (Scientific name: Euphorbia hirta L.) which has been rumored to cure dengue. At this point, I would try anything to help Aton fight the infection. I was lucky to find that wild herb around the public elementary school near our house. I got a lot, planted some of them in a flower pot, washed and boiled the rest to make a tea. I took this with me to the hospital and made Aton drink the concoction. (Read more about "tawa-tawa" here)



October 20, 2014, Monday. My son's white blood cells and platelet count increased! His white blood cell count was now at 4.9 and his platelet count is now 135. The attending physician said it is a good sign that my boy is recovering. He ordered another blood test for the evening. The doctor said that if the 8pm results and tomorrow's results would show an upward trend, he can be discharged from the hospital tomorrow afternoon. After the doctor left the room, I made my son drink the tea again. It was at this point that his girlfriend was already "force-feeding" him the tea.

October 21, 2014, Tuesday. I was at work when my son sent me a text message informing me that the doctor gave him the discharge orders. Thank you, Lord! My boy is going to be fine! I asked my son if he was given the hospital bill. When my son told me how much I needed to pay, I almost fainted. I did not have that much money! My mom, my sisters and brother, and my daughter gave me some money to help with the bill but it was not enough. I had to find a loan shark to complete the amount needed. My son is finally home and will be back in school on Friday.

October 22, 2014, Wednesday. I started a fundraiser with GiveForward to help me pay off the loan I incurred and for medical assistance to cover the follow up blood tests for my son. Being a brand ambassador for GiveForward, I did not find any difficulty in going through the initial steps. My major roadblock was finding a relative who is a US citizen and is presently residing in the US where they can send the donation money to. I tried to contact my cousins to ask if they would be willing to act as my Funds Manager. They never replied back to my emails. I guess being granted US citizenship changes the way people regard themselves. I asked friends instead. I know someone out there would be willing to help me out to get the fundraising campaign running. God bless my blogging friend, Rose. She replied to my email and was willing to help me out with this. She is what GiveForward calls "unexpected joy." 

October 23, 2014, Thursday. I will email Rose back. She has a good heart indeed. Despite her own worries, she still reached out and offered her help. Rose is also in a difficult time, her sister is sick and is depending on her to help out with the the medical expenses. I will recommend her to GiveForward, so she too, can experience "unexpected joy."

I know this is such a lengthy post. I just poured out my emotions on the very stressful two weeks that passed. I have learned a lot from the experience and I know that help can come when we least expect it. I thank the Lord for everything, and I ask Him to bless the people who stayed with me during this difficult time in my life.

Have a blessed day.

P.S. As of this day and time, (30 October 2014) I emailed my fundraising coach to notify him that I am not pushing through with my fundraiser. I have found ways to pay off my loan and that I felt it was unfair to continue. There are other people more in need than me. I have been blessed and I have decided to share the blessings in whatever way I can.

Thank you for all your words of concern, well-wishes and prayers. May it all come back to you a thousand fold. 

Tuesday, October 21, 2014

My job as a Quality Assurance Specialist entails listening to agents' calls and evaluating their call handling skills and adherence to policy. Aside from the keen eye for detail, we QAs have to have impeccable auditory acuity. Every whisper, every response is noted and scored. One tool that we invest in is a good headset, preferably one that drowns out external noises to allow us to concentrate only on the call. 

I searched the web for a list of the Hottest Headphones and decided on the New Blue Mo-Fi Powered High Fidelity Headphones. I read through the product specifications and although it is basically a headphone for the music lover, its features are perfect for use in my job too! The words "extreme accuracy" and "mind blowing listening experience" got me. The best thing is that it will make me save money. I do not have to buy a separate headphone for work and another for listening to my music on my cellphone. Two devices for the price of one. 

Check out these awesome features:


Work and relax using just one device. Isn't that great? I am definitely a believer!


Monday, October 13, 2014

Magnetic Bracelets and Alternative Pain Management

Anyone with rheumatoid arthritis can tell you that they live with pain almost everyday. I am witness to this, because my husband is suffering from it. As if it was not enough, he had to undergo total hip replacement last year when he suffered a Trochanteric fracture of the femur. I wanted to help alleviate some of the pain he was going through and I came across this procedure called Magnetic therapy.

It involves wearing magnetic bracelets or jewelry. Pain relief is believed to be the result of normalizing the electromagnetic activity of the cells. When our cells' electromagnetic activity is disturbed, it will cause pain and discomfort. Wearing a magnetic bracelet will help correct the imbalance. I got my husband a hematite bracelet from a little chinese drugstore. I just wanted to try anything to relieve some of his pain.

Guess what? It worked! I am now ready to take this Magnetic Therapy to the next level and purchase a new bracelet for him. Superior Magnetics offers magnetic jewelry for pain free living. I searched the website for magnetic bracelets and I was just overjoyed to find a wide variety to choose from. The bracelets are not only pretty, but they also have other healing gemstones included in it. I have chosen the Garnet and Jade Double. It has triple strength hematite stones interspersed with garnet and jade, known to have great healing powers. I will get one for my mother too, who is also having arthritic aches and pains.


I am looking forward to seeing my husband and my mother walk without any pain at all. That alone would make me so happy.

The Bear Poem

Early in my world when I was young and free
I met a boy and asked myself, "Is this he?"
He held out his hand, with a smile of joy
I got that feeling, "Am I Helen of Troy?"

Mom and Dad voiced their disapproval
"You're being hard-headed, as usual
"He is a drop-out, what life will you have?"
"Its nothing serious," I said with a laugh.

The days flew by and things went way out of hand
Confused and worried, a pregnancy unplanned.
Too young to be a wife, too young to be a mother,
Why did this happen? How will I tell my father?

"You will marry my daughter and pull her out of shame.
She is studying for her future, you must do the same.
Once the ceremony is over, my daughter stays with me.
You go home to your parents, wherever they may be."

The boy never got past being a boy
He loved his friends, he loved his toys.
With a second child on the way
I had to be strong despite the clouds of gray

My father died of cancer when he was fifty eight
One of his last words were "Help my daughter set her life straight"
I feared the future without my father
Who will defend me and my children against this monster?

Sixteen years, three children and buckets of tears later
I decided to make my life better
I hauled my three kids and entrusted them into my mother's hands
I then found myself working in a foreign land.

The monster could not keep up with the responsibility
Packed his bags and left without saying sorry
I could not cry a tear of remorse
I laughed, jumped and celebrated this divorce.

I loved the new freedom, I loved being me.
I was happy but deep inside, I felt empty
As if fate had it all planned,
Here comes a man with his words, "Its okay, I understand."

We have now been together for eight blissful years
The union of like minds and like hearts braving new frontiers.
He took on the task of being my children's father
Looked after each child to ensure they would not falter

As we hold hands on a quiet Sunday evening,
Sharing dreams and hopes, both hearts smiling.
I raise my glass, "To infinity and beyond!" I say
He squeezes my hand and whispers, "Here's to forever and a day!"

I have three wonderful children now in their prime,
A roof over my head, food on the table, clothes on my back, and some spare time.
And I have a husband who loves me unconditionally,
For all these, I thank God dearly.


P.S. This is my second attempt at writing a poem. The first attempt was when I was 15 years old. Unfortunately, I was not able to save a copy. 

Lolita Dresses: The New Trend in Clothing

Christmas is only two months away and the yearly excitement can be felt all around. There will be the annual family get together to look forward to, and of course, the office Christmas party. 

Our family get together parties do not require anything else but good food and casual dressing. The office Christmas party is the one I have to prepare for. Our office parties are usually themed, so we have to find an appropriate attire for the event.

I was browsing the net one afternoon when I came across an interesting online shop for Lolita dresses. At http://www.tidebuy.com/c/Lolita-Dresses-4461/, I was excited to see so many designs for a reason price! For those who are not aware of Lolita dresses, these are Victorian-era inspired, modest knee-length cup-cake design skirt. The Tidebuy classic Lolita dress and the Tidebuy sweet Lolita dress styles are often called "baby doll" dresses and are really cute! Usually worn with knee-high socks, this style would suit any themed party.


I personally prefer the Tidebuy gothic Lolita dress because I feel that every woman deserves to have an LBD (little black dress) in her wardrobe. I like the modest style, the neat hemline, and the dress length. Not too flashy but very elegant, and would not require a lot of accessories. I think a nice pearl necklace would be great to wear with this classic elegant piece. The timeless design makes this dress appropriate for any occasion!


Check out the vast designs of Lolita dresses at Tidebuy. Browse and purchase any of the following Tidebuy Lolita dress; Tidebuy gothic Lolita dress; Tidebuy white Lolita dress; Tidebuy cheap Lolita dress; Tidebuy pink Lolita dress; Tidebuy classic Lolita dress; Tidebuy blue Lolita dress; and Tidebuy sweet Lolita dress. Easy ordering process and ships worldwide! 

Monday, October 6, 2014

Proudly Filipino, Uniquely Filipino

Filipinos are an inter-racial mix of different cultures that came to our shores to trade, live or colonize. The original inhabitants of our islands were the Malays. They engaged in business with the Chinese, Dutch, Indian, and other cultures long, long before the country was discovered by Ferdinand Magellan in 1521.Since then, we have been colonized by the Spanish, Japanese and Americans. So, here we are. Distinctly called Filipinos but bearing a tiny bit of the different races that came and called our islands their home.

In this present time, you would always find a Filipino anywhere in the world. Most of them are contract workers while others have found a new home in a another country. Despite this migrant flow, Filipinos have never lost their distinct traits or habits regardless of where they are in the world. Some of them amusing, some are just uniquely Filipino.

Respect for elders: 
"Pagmamano" - This is the act of taking the hand of an elder, putting in on your forehead while you assume a slightly bowed position. This is a gesture of respect and submission to an elder person. To initiate this act, you would say "Mano po" ("Your hand, please") and the elder would in turn say "Kaawaan ka ng Diyos" ("God have mercy on you" or God Bless you.") Although this is not commonly seen in children born and raised in the big cities, it is still a common practice in the homes of families who kept this tradition alive. 

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Calling an elder by their first name is not allowed. We use certain terms to convey respect. Someone a few years older than us is called "Kuya" (elder brother) or "Ate" (elder sister). If a person is old enough to be your parent, a prefix is attached to their name, hence they may be called "Tito" (Uncle) or "Tita" (Aunt), even if you do not have any  blood relations with them. Those who are in their 70s or 80s are everybody's grandparents. They are "Lolo" ("Grandpa") and "Lola" ("Grandma") to the entire community.

We use the words "po" and "opo" when conversing with people who are older than us. There is no exact English translation to these two words. It is used to convey respect. Example. "Salamat" is "Thank you," compared to "Salamat po" which is "Thank you," said with respect.     

Non-verbal response:
Pointing with the lips is body language that is very Filipino. The lips are puckered and used like a finger to point to a direction or thing. I have no idea how this came to be. Maybe because the Filipinos in the earlier centuries had both their hands too busy with work that they used their lips to point. That could be one reason, I am not really sure. So remember, when asking a Filipino for directions and we start to pucker their lips and turn our heads, we are not asking for a kiss. We are pointing you to the direction you asked for. 

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Eating Habits:
For the first time traveler to the Philippines, you would want to try restaurants that do not give you a spoon, a fork, or a knife. You have to eat with your hands. Eating without the use of utensils is a skill we learn as children. Get a piece of meat, a few vegetable slices and rice. Form it into a small mound, pick it up with your fingers and use your thumb to push it in your mouth. Its that easy. A true Filipino picnic is having a bamboo table lined with banana leaves and all the rice and meat, fish and vegetables are piled on top of it. You find a space and just dig in! I miss this so much.


Filipinos have 6 meals a day. Yes, you read it right. SIX. These six meals are breakfast, mid-morning snack, lunch, afternoon snack, dinner, and the late evening snack. It would just make someone wonder why the population is not obese. As the saying goes, "Filipinos eat not because they are hungry but because it is time to eat." 

The love for food is even incorporated in the common greeting. People from other countries would start a conversation with "How are you?" This is not true when Filipinos greet each other. We would start a conversation with "Kumain ka na ba?" ("Have you eaten?").

It is also a fact that no household in the Philippines is without garlic. It is a kitchen emergency to run out of garlic! We use it for everything - in our dishes, in fried rice, in eggs and salads, in dips. A few months ago, the prices of garlic skyrocketed and that was a major cause of concern. Now that the prices are back to normal, we can once again use generous amounts garlic in everything! 

Aside from our staple food which is rice, we always have a sauce or dip with our meals. It could be as simple as catsup or vinegar or it could be specially made, like different kinds of gravy. The everyday dip that goes well with any dish is a combination of soy sauce, lemon juice and bird's eye chili pepper. My husband is Caucasian and he thinks it is weird to always have some kind of dip with a meal, but I explain to him that it gives the rice some flavor. 

The National Past Time:
Dubbed as the "National Past time of the Philippines," the videoke is present in most, if not all Filipino gatherings. We just love to sing! Whether you have a good singing voice or not, it is the company of family and friends (plus beer and bar chow) that makes videoke an enjoyable activity. We either rent the machine or head over to a videoke bar. 

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Filipinos are clannish.
Compared to our western counterparts, the Filipino family has more than just a mother, a father and their children in the household. We have an aunt, an uncle, a niece, a nephew, grandparents, a cousin, even a great aunt or great uncle. We do not necessarily have one of each, however, we do have at least one in our household. It has its financial benefits, because the more people in the household, the more there are who will split the utility bills with you. It is just a bit of a hassle when it comes to privacy. The extended family also allows us to save on costs to have a baby sitter or a live-in nurse for the elders.

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Faith and superstition.
Filipinos are deeply religious. We are the only predominantly Catholic country in Asia. If the parents can afford it, the children are sent to Catholic schools to guarantee a good education and religious upbringing. However, the superstitious beliefs have never waned. We still think a black cat brings bad luck, just the same as breaking a mirror. Two siblings cannot get married in the same year. We arrange furniture in the house to conform with norms, like the stairs should not have 13 steps, a mirror should not face the bed, and the masters bedroom should face the east. I grew up in an extended family and although I know there is no scientific basis to believe in all these, I still had to follow because the elders know best. 

We are waterproof.
The country gets battered by up to twenty (20) tropical cyclones a year and that means flood, flood and more flood. We have learned to live with it. When I was a college student at the University of Santo Tomas, there was no email blast and no cellphones. I had to listen to the early morning news to wait for class suspension. If there was none, then I had to brave the rain and flood to get to school. My children have to go through the same experience every time there is a storm, however, they are now better informed through text and email blasts from the University. 


In some areas in the metro, flooding can be unimaginable. Half an hour of heavy downpour can bring about floods that are knee-deep, waist deep or even chest deep! The city of Marikina is always under threat of the river overflowing its banks. We live near Marikina and we can hear the warning sirens when the river swells. That siren is the notification for the residents to evacuate to higher ground immediately. We are lucky that we live in a higher part of Quezon City. If we get flooded in our area, I am pretty much sure that the whole city of Marikina is underwater.

All these disasters have not affected the naturally jovial spirit of the Filipino. We still find it in ourselves to smile and find humor in the situation. We pick ourselves up and rebuild. Life has to go on. An great way to describe our spirit is shown in the meme below: 

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I was born and raised in the Philippines. 
I love my brown skin and dark hair. 
I love my people. 
I love my country. 
I AM PROUDLY FILIPINO. 

Monday, September 29, 2014

Dehumanizing Acts against Women

Recently, there were two incidents that caught the attention of the general public and the media. 
Ben Chan is the owner of a very popular local clothing line, Bench. They held a fashion show entitled "The Naked Truth" to showcase their new line of underwear. This is almost always a yearly event and people look forward to seeing their favorite Bench models clad only in their underwear.

Nothing wrong with that, I guess, because it IS a fashion show. There was one segment in the show, however, that caused a big stir. It was a woman on a leash and made to act as if she was a wild animal. Personally, I found this very offensive. Women are not animals. Women are not slaves. To make women portray a role like this is downright degrading. Here is the video of that segment in the show. Please pay attention to the first minute of the clip. 




The second incident was a t-shirt sold in the Philippines' largest department store chain. SM (Shoemart) Malls had a shirt in (of all places), the teens section that said, "Its not rape. Its a snuggle with a struggle." I am correct in thinking that this statement shirt is glorifying rape?


How could this thing that get into the SM stores? The SM Malls, owned by Henry Sy, have a total of 49 establishments all over the country. It is the destination of choice of the common Filipino during weekends. Can you just imagine how many minds were corrupted seeing that shirt on display? I understand it would not have been the mall owner's fault but what about the purchasing officers? Shouldn't they have known better? Don't they have daughters? or sisters? We should not make a joke about the act of rape. Any victim can attest to the horrors of it and is now living in fear and shame brought about by the experience.

These two incidents have violated Section 16 of Republic Act 9710, known as "The Magna Carta of Women"

SECTION 16.       Nondiscriminatory and Nonderogatory Portrayal of Women in Media and Film. — The State shall formulate policies and programs for the advancement of women in collaboration with government and nongovernment media-related organizations. It shall likewise endeavor to raise the consciousness of the general public in recognizing the dignity of women and the role and contribution of women in the family, community, and the society through the strategic use of mass media.

I have signed this petition in Change.org

The public has the right to demand that Shoemart and Bench must prove how they will put into actions their respective promise to end this dehumanizing and demoralizing culture they've promoted. Boycotting these companies, bringing them  to court for their violation of the Magna Carta of Women are options which the public will consider if they do not respond to this call.   

Women are not class B human beings. We do not deserve to be degraded, discriminated or dehumanized.

This is an appeal for women to rise up and be heard. All you need to do is to sign the petition to effect the change. Do it now. Do it for yourself, your daughter, sister, mother, grandmother, and for all the women you know. 

Here is the link where you can digitally sign and be part of this cause.
https://www.change.org/p/mr-henry-sy-shoemart-and-mr-ben-chan-bench-we-demand-actions-not-words#share

I am not "just a woman." 
I AM A WOMAN.

Sunday, September 28, 2014

There are business designs that are applicable in parenting. After all, parenting IS a business. It is about nurturing and guiding to achieve success.

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Coaching and counseling are two things that are constantly applied in the corporate world. I take these things to heart, for the main reason that these are also good parenting tools. How would we know exactly when to coach and when to counsel?

Coaching is the act of teaching and training to increase awareness and to improve focus on the goals and objectives. 

In the corporate world, coaching is done to drive performance by setting goals and expectations. In parenting, coaching is the day-to-day interaction with your children, praising them for their work, focusing on their strengths and encouraging them to give their best. Parents, as coaches, also provide feedback and speak to their children about certain attitudes and practices that needs improvement. It is a balance of praise and constructive criticism that gives that "nudge" to keep them on a straight path.

Coaching sessions, whether done in the corporate setting or at home should follow certain standards. Coaching focuses on the present, the behavior at hand and the solutions to address it. Here are some tips on how to do effective coaching:

1. Choose a time and place that would be conducive for the interaction.
2. Smile and build rapport
3. Learn to diffuse anxiety
4. Establish an open communication. Listen in an open minded way and respond with a positive or neutral attitude.
5. Set S.M.A.R.T. goals. (S=specific; M=Measurable; A=Achievable; R=Realistic; T=Time bound)
6. Monitor and provide immediate feedback
7. Offer help. This would entail providing support to acquire resources, when needed, to achieve the goal.

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There are some instances when coaching should not be done.

1. When you want your children (or employees) to learn from their mistakes. As the old cliche goes, "Experience is the best teacher." When my son got actively involved in sports, I talked to him and reminded him that it is okay for him to do what he loves, as long as his academics would not take the back seat. He did excel in his sport, however, the time that he should have spent studying was used for practice. I provided feedback and advice, reminded him of his goals. Eventually, he lost his scholarship because he failed in two subjects. He had no other option but to shift to a different college course to regain his scholarship. That gave him a big life lesson of setting his priorities straight. If things go smoothly as planned, my son will be graduating from college in 3 semesters from now, with a degree in Marketing Management.

2. When "Finding the Right Behavior" is deemed part of the learning process. An effective coach or parent would always have a keen eye to determine the right time to step in. Letting our children explore things on their own is built on trust. We should allow them to learn things, to discover and find their niche. However, there is always a risk that they may cause harm to themselves or to others in this process, which is exactly why we should always be on guard. A phrase that I keep in mind when I do this step is "Keep them on a leash but cut them some slack."

3. When you do not have enough time. Positive outcomes are achieved when we have time to sit down and talk. Coaching is an exchange of thoughts, ideas and suggestions. It is planning a goal and laying down the blue print to achieve it. If you only have 5 minutes to spare, reschedule! Try to think about it, which would be more effective? To tell your child - "I want you to finish your book report by the time I get home" or "I see you are having difficulties with your book report. Let's talk about what we can do to help you meet the deadline."

“A good coach can be a caring parent, a wise teacher, an exemplary pastor, a passionate friend or a devoted mentor. Keep in touch with all of them especially at the time they are needed.” 
― Israelmore Ayivor, Shaping the dream


COUNSELING, on the other hand is done when repeated coaching has not changed a behavior or provided the results that were agreed upon. Counseling entails corrective or disciplinary action. A better way to differentiate between "Coaching" and "Counseling" is that the former addresses a "skill issue" and the latter addresses a "will issue." Let me provide an example. In this day and age, children are so attached to their gadgets that they neglect their responsibilities like doing homework or going to bed at a certain hour. The first time this behavior is noticed by the parents, a coaching session is provided to the child and SMART goals are laid out. If the behavior does not change, then counseling will step in. This may be done in the form of taking the gadget away from the child until such time that they learn to attend to their responsibilities without being constantly told to do so. Another route to take would be to determine the root cause of this gadget addiction. The example above is clearly a will issue.

With counseling, the progress may be slow and painful, because it deals with feelings and the subconscious mind. Some behavior may have its roots in a certain traumatic experience which causes the individual to avoid anything that may be associated with the trauma. In the example above, a child who shuns schoolwork and favors playing with gadgets may be a sign that he/she may be extremely shy in school, an underachiever, or worst, a victim of bullying. Watch and see what kind of games the child is engaged in. It may be that the child finds that they can "win" in this realm instead of facing the reality that they are "losers." As parents, we should immediately step in and counsel before it gets to be a habit that would be more difficult to address later on.

"If any parent feels like their child could use some counseling, they should call the school."
-Bethanne Bradshaw

In my job, I have been coached as part of a routine requirement for measuring performance. I have provided coaching sessions too, for my agents who are having difficulty meeting their key performance indices.

My mother has provided valuable coaching for me and my siblings. I have been counseled too, many times, by my mom, and it was all for the best. 

So now, I am a mom working to manage a full time 8 hour job, run a household and send my two youngest children through college. Weekends are aptly described as "mayhem days" because I attend to Everything (with a capital E) that I was unable to do during weekdays.

Despite this crazy schedule, I find time to talk with my children. I follow up on their activities, and encourage them to treasure the gift of education. I ask my sons how their girlfriends are doing and I ask my daughter about her challenges in her work. I may not be a perfect parent, but I know I am doing good somehow.

Your choice now. Would you COACH or would you COUNSEL?

Monday, September 22, 2014

Teach Your Kids to Learn Multiplication With #FingerMath

I never did like Math. I guess I just have a really big dislike for numbers. When I was in second grade, my mom had to drill me everyday after school to memorize the multiplication table. I would recite it over and over and when I made a mistake, I had to start from 1 x 1 again. I would say that started my dislike for math. Not to blame my mom, I knew she meant well, but it was way too much for me as a 7 year old.

Technology has made learning math easy and enjoyable for the early learners. However, I learned a trick that would not need any gadget. I passed this on to my children when they were young. It is simple Finger Math to help kids remember the Multiplication Table of 6 up to the Table of 9.

Hold your hands palm up facing you. The forefinger will represent the number 9, the middle finger will be 8, the ring finger will be 7 and the pinky finger will be 6. See picture below:



Now that we have assigned a particular number for every finger, let's do some finger math. Let us first try the equation seven multiplied by eight (7 x 8). Simple join the finger corresponding to the number 7 on your left hand with the finger corresponding to the number 8 on your right hand. Once you have done that, the fingers joined together and all those below it will be counted as multiples of "10" which gives you "50." All the other fingers above the ones that are joined together is counted as "1." Multiply the number of fingers above the joined one on your left hand with the number of fingers also above the joined one on your right hand. Looking at the picture below, that will be three (3) times two (2) equals 6. Add 50 and 6 together will give you 56. Therefore, the answer to 7 x 8 is 56.



Did I confuse you more? It is really easy with practice. Try experimenting and you'll get the hang of it. I still use this method when I get attacks of "selective amnesia." Below is another picture to show how to do finger math on the equation eight multiplied by nine (8 x 9):



Try playing around with this simple learning aid. Teach your children how to do finger math. Its free, it does not need batteries and you can take it with you anywhere you go.

If you need other tools to make learning easier and more fun for the kids, search the web for printable materials that would teach young learners about other subjects too.


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