Saturday, August 10, 2019

Life's Not Fair But You Can Learn To Cope

Life is harsh and unfair. Even though none of us genuinely believes they live in a happy and cozy kingdom, surrounded by fluffy candy floss trees and bouncing unicorns, we tend to assume good things are bound to last. So when suddenly something terrible happens, our first reaction is to rebel against it. 

It’s not fair, we say. And we are right, it isn’t fair, but fairness is not what life is about. Unfortunately, life is a combination of good and bad. If you’re lucky, at the end of your days, the good moments outnumber the bad ones. But, in the meantime, when life hits you with a tragedy, you don’t know how to react. When you lose someone you love, the world around you seems empty. Even your day-to-day existence feels void of joy and purpose. At the back of your mind, you hear a little voice asking you how you are going to cope. And you realize, with horror, that you can’t find an answer to the question. 

But, life is not about fairness. If we accept to be alive, we need to accept that not everything that happens is fair. And when you do, you find in yourself the strength to cope and rebuild your happiness. Indeed, even if everything seems dark today, there is a light at the end of the tunnel if you are ready to look for it. 

Art helps you to express your grief
Asking the practical questions first

Tragedies can take your mind off the practical things. But you’ll find it easier to deal with your emotions gradually. Sudden loss is a shock that leaves you vulnerable, exposed, and confused. You are surrounded by a mixture of violent emotions, ranging from sadness to anger. However, you need time to understand what it all means and to let go. During that period of pain and confusion, simple and practical facts can help you to move forward until you’re ready to unbottle your feelings. When the loss is unexpected and accidental, you can find the pragmatic approach of a local attorney reassuring in the face of grief. If the loss was the result of a long illness, discussing the case with a specialist doctor can give you a better understanding of the situation. The practical questions don’t eliminate your pain, but they give you a clear perspective of what was done and what is left to do. They provide you with a direction you can follow until you’re ready to face your emotions. 

Setting easy goals to achieve

You don’t want to get up in the morning. What is the point? Life has hurt you too much, and you’re not sure you are ready to forgive and move forward. 

It might be hard to believe, but you are not alone with these feelings. For any people who go through grief, imagining a happy day again is impossible. Impossible goals are not exactly easy to reach. However, small goals are more manageable. Getting out of bed in the morning. Cooking lunch and eating it. Getting out of your house to do your shopping. A goal at a time, you can relearn to live and redefine your happiness. More importantly, these little milestones create a path towards your future. 

Finding a way to express your emotions

Grief is difficult to describe. Sadness. Anger. Confusion. Pain. Feeling lost. There is more than one emotion to grief and more than one way of expressing them. When you’ve run out of tears, but you still feel that the grief bottle isn’t empty yet, you need to find another way to pour its content. Some choose therapy because talking can make a big difference. For others, art offers a path to explore your pain. Drawing, painting, writing, or even knitting can show you a way to let your grief out. 

Realizing that you’re not okay

Grief, however, doesn’t pass easily. It can hide at the back of your mind, creeping into your life every day a little more. And one day, without knowing it, you realize that you’ve stopped grieving, but instead you’ve become depressed. Developing awareness of your feelings takes time, and as you’re falling, you may not have noticed the signs. But some clues can tell you whether it’s time to consult a specialist. Depression affects your sleeping patterns. You may not be able to rest at night, or you might sleep too long and still feel tired. Your mood also influences your appetite. Many people lose weight when they’re depressed. Ask yourself: Are you eating correctly? Finally, depression leads to social withdrawal. Avoiding social situations could be a sign. 

A sudden loss is devastating. People will tell you that time heals all wounds. But it doesn’t. You heal, only if you can use the time to understand and accept the pain.


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