Dear Future Daughter-In-Law,
Let me introduce myself. I am your future Monster-In-Law.
I am the person who carried your boyfriend in my womb for nine months. I was the one who nurtured him, fed him, potty trained him. I was the one who took him to school and back, stayed up late watching over him when he was sick. I was the one he called when he was happy or sad. It was my pinky finger he held on to at night until he was fast asleep. When he was little, he would always come home from school with a surprise for me - a piece of candy, some left over soda or half a cupcake. He sat with me on the couch while I watched my favorite soap opera. He was my baby boy.
Until he met you.
And everything changed. Rarely do we talk anymore. He comes home late at night. You say he is your night in shining armor. I think otherwise. You treat him like a slave, waiting on the wings to serve your every whim. He commutes several miles to bring you a jacket to cover your butt because you had a strike-through during one of your monthly periods. Let me ask you this - how often do you change pads? Once a day?!! My goodness! Any girl would know how often you should do that. And why did you have to wear white jeans? Arrrggghhh!!! My son went out in a thunderstorm because you had to call him for "help."
He loves you, but do you love him?
He stays with you every weekend. He cleans your dorm, scrubs your toilet, and cooks a meal for you. Lucky you! He never does that for me anymore. His room at home is a mess, he uses the toilet like he does not care if he leaves the floor wet, and he only comes downstairs when it is time to eat. He dumps a hamperful of dirty clothes, expecting me to wash them for him. He tells me he has no time to do his laundry because he has to run out to meet you. If ever he is at home, he spends most of his free time on the computer, chatting with you. Why can't he chat with me too? There are many things I want to share, stories I want to tell, but it is all about you! You want this, you need this, you want to go there, you demand him to be near. Have you ever thought that I need some time with my son too?
What kind of spell did you cast upon my boy? Witch.
Are you ready for a life with my son? You'll have to remember, you will not only marry my son, but you will marry the entire family - and that includes ME.
My boy chose you, and for me to "like" or even "love" you as a daughter, you'd have to seriously consider these:
1. Learn more about Me. I am not a whiner. I don't complain about petty things and I do not rely on anyone to help me out of the rut. I climb, crawl and pull myself out. I am independent. I am handy. I am tougher than you think I am.
2. You should know how to cook. I don't want my boy to come running home to me because you burned the pot roast. You should know how to work your way in the kitchen.
3. You should be patient with his mess.
4. You should give my boy some alone time with his buddies.
5. Do not, I said DO NOT be poking around in his wallet. That is the only thing private in a marriage.
6. Do not nag. You may argue, but no nagging. Respect begets respect.
7. Do not hurt my boy. If you hurt him, I may, or I will hurt you too. Remember, I did not raise him to be a helpless victim of your bullying.
8. You must do everything within your means be a good mother to your future children. Remember, they are my grandchildren. There are times that you will lose your patience with them, but then again, do not hurt them. Because if you do, I may, or I will hurt you too.
9. Do not try to please me with fancy gifts. It is not my nature to want those things. Practicality is my game. I would rather have long walks and worthwhile talks with you to get to know you better.
10. Every now and then, you will receive unsolicited advice from me. It is not that I am meddling in your life, but I am after your welfare. I will not be speaking of things I read from a book or from an online article. I will be speaking to you out of experience.
You have to know Me. I am very transparent. My facial expression and body language is all you need to understand how I feel.
WYSIWYG. (What You See Is What You Get)
So, future daughter-in-law, did I scare you enough? I hope not. These are things I want you to understand and accept. You will spend the rest of your life with my boy and I am the first-hand authority on everything you need to know about him. I am his very first "Wonder Woman" - until he met you. But for now, be content with the title "Wonder Girl."
I hope you remember all these as you walk down the aisle in a white dress, ready to exchange vows with my boy.
I will be witnessing your solemn marriage and try my best not to smirk. Haha.
Don't forget to thank me for raising the Man of Your Dreams. I will be out of the picture soon. He will leave the life with me and start a new one with you. My son chose you to love, so I guess I love you too.
Your future Monster-in-Law