Monday, November 4, 2013

The Two Faces of a Clown

I am always the jolly person, ready with a smile, a joke, a funny sarcastic remark. Most of my friends tell me that I am the funniest person they have met.

Not exactly true. I am just good at hiding my emotions. 

Truth of the matter is, I am dead tired. I have belly pain that I worry about. I occasionally feel numbness in my hands and feet. I have weird headaches crawling down to my nape followed by short stabbing pains to my chest. I may be sick, but who cares? 

There are more important things that need my immediate attention.There's my 9 hour night shift job, a house to keep tidy, a family to look after. I worry about a husband who is constantly in pain. I worry about finances. I am sad that my sons do not take their studies seriously. One enrolls only in 3-4 subjects per semester because of the conflict with his extra-curricular activities. One rarely stays home to study, although he does not have any failures. I miss my daughter. We rarely see each other. Wonder if she misses me too? 

I cry when no one sees me. I need to see my endocrinologist but I do not have time. I wish my sons would be done with school before I die. I wish for my husband to be well. I miss having to be able to go places with him. 

I pray for health and happiness for my family. I wish all the good things for them. 

One day, I will have a chance to be served breakfast in bed - - as I lay in a hospital bed, perhaps?

That will be the day when the clown will have to hang up the mask and reveal its sad, sad face.


  1. love yah sis...smiling here for you and wishing all your dreams come true...I saw you in my dream the other night..One day I will come to Manila to meet you..I am also not healthy...I have been ignoring many symptoms because I am afraid of the truth...yet I am working on staying on my feet long enough to see the kids all grown and having happy families of their own...praying your poppabear becomes free from pain in a yah!

  2. ..oh and by the way, so happy to see the ads running here! cheers to blogging happine$$ :)

  3. Please take time to take care of yourself and visit your doctor. The workplace, together with its toxic conditions add to our everyday stress and if we will not take care of ourselves, who will? A lot of people think that we always have this ample energy to give when the truth is we are depleting bit by bit. We owe it to ourselves not just to have a good life but a healthy one as well, so that we could still do the things we love doing and to fulfill the dreams we thought we have missed.

    Blessings !


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