I am always the jolly person, ready with a smile, a joke, a funny sarcastic remark. Most of my friends tell me that I am the funniest person they have met.
Not exactly true. I am just good at hiding my emotions.
Truth of the matter is, I am dead tired. I have belly pain that I worry about. I occasionally feel numbness in my hands and feet. I have weird headaches crawling down to my nape followed by short stabbing pains to my chest. I may be sick, but who cares?
There are more important things that need my immediate attention.There's my 9 hour night shift job, a house to keep tidy, a family to look after. I worry about a husband who is constantly in pain. I worry about finances. I am sad that my sons do not take their studies seriously. One enrolls only in 3-4 subjects per semester because of the conflict with his extra-curricular activities. One rarely stays home to study, although he does not have any failures. I miss my daughter. We rarely see each other. Wonder if she misses me too?
I cry when no one sees me. I need to see my endocrinologist but I do not have time. I wish my sons would be done with school before I die. I wish for my husband to be well. I miss having to be able to go places with him.
I pray for health and happiness for my family. I wish all the good things for them.
One day, I will have a chance to be served breakfast in bed - - as I lay in a hospital bed, perhaps?
That will be the day when the clown will have to hang up the mask and reveal its sad, sad face.