Friday, January 15, 2016

Going through a break up is an unpleasant experience. I am sure most, if not all. experienced it at least once in the past.  My first marriage was not successful and I was more than relieved when the father of my children left. I was alone in my task of raising three kids. I stood firm and moved on. I wouldn’t be sitting here writing this article if I did not pull myself out of the rut I was in.

Strong momma. That’s what my friends have always known me to be.

I am a mother of three, a daughter and two sons. My daughter is married and has a son. I would say that she found herself a good husband. However, it is a different story with my two sons. They have been in and out of failed relationships. I’ve seen how they’ve had their hearts broken. I’ve seen their tears, their frustration, and the loss of self-esteem.

I’ve seen them through their pain, and it hurts me so much to see them suffer.

Photolink
If your child is going through a break up, how would you handle it? Here are some tips a strong momma should do:

1.       Stop the blame.
Do not find fault in either your child or his/her girlfriend/boyfriend. Remember that before the break-up, they were so much in love with each other. Bad-mouthing the other party will only bring more pain.

2.  Let the feelings flow.
Crying does not make your son less of a man. The same goes with your daughter. Crying will allow them to let go of the pain.
Photolink


3.  Empathize
Be the person willing to listen to what they have to say, no matter how senseless it may seem. Teens and young adults going through a break up tend to talk about the issue incessantly and they need someone to listen. Be there when they need to talk. Hold their hand and hug them. Be understanding when they don’t feel like talking yet. Always reassure them of your love.

4. Exercise and Endorphins
If you child enjoyed sports before the break up, encourage them to get back on track. Better yet, plan a family activity – hiking, a trip to the beach, even riding the bike a few times around the block. Exercise can stimulate the brain to release endorphins, also known as the “feel-good” hormone. An increased level of endorphins in the blood can lessen the physical manifestations of pain and therefore, your child will be able to manage stress better.

5. Prepare his/hers favorite healthy meals
Exposure to stress can give rise to poor eating habits, which in turn may give rise to disturbances in the body’s function.  Make sure he/she follows a regular eating schedule. Treat him/her to their “comfort food” - a bowl of chicken soup, a cup of hot cocoa, their favorite casserole or pasta dish.

6. Let them get enough sleep

Make your child realize that staying up will not change the situation there are in. A good night’s sleep will help repair the body, and make their thought process function better. When my child suffered his first break up and had trouble sleeping, I made him do this simple trick to fall asleep. I told him to lay on his back, arms on his side and legs straight. I told him to imagine that he is a sandbag and that the tips of his fingers and toes have little holes in them and the sand slowly escapes through those holes. I told him to concentrate and imagine that the sand slowly escaping represents all the hurt and pain he is feeling. It worked wonders for him. 

7. Be Positive
Be the "C" mom he/she expects you to be - cool, calm, collected. Remind him/her that everything happens for a reason, and that is what they need to find out. Encourage them to meet new people. Help them regain their confidence in themselves. Let them know that jumping into another relationship, just to spite their ex is not a good move. Let them heal their wounds first, pick up the broken pieces and be whole once more. The best advice I got from my parents was "Love yourself first. When you learn to do this, you will be able to love others." I use the same advice for my children, and I usually tweak it with, "Someone on this earth was born for you to love and love you back. Find that person. Be happy."

I know raising kids is not an easy task. Just take a step or two back and look at the issue from a wider perspective. Count to 10. Breathe. Relax.

Trust God. Everything will be fine.

36 comments:

  1. I love these tips. I will put them to use.

    ReplyDelete
  2. These are great tips. I'm thankful right now that my oldest is six and that this scenario is years away. Will give me time to think about it and prepare for it.

    ReplyDelete
  3. A break up is tough. My teen is dating so I might have to be ready to help him.

    ReplyDelete
  4. Great tips--not only for children but for ourselves and our friends. I especially love the one about not bad-mouthing--that's always the first instinct.

    ReplyDelete
  5. Break ups are difficult what more if it's your child who's experiencing it right? Being positive and supportive is always effective.

    ReplyDelete
  6. That has to be really difficult. Luckily, we don't have to worry about this yet, but I am not looking forward to it. You have some really good pointers here!

    ReplyDelete
  7. This sounds about right. We have to stand by them when they need us but we also need to let them know that passing blame is never the answer

    ReplyDelete
  8. These are some great ideas to help children feel better particularly when emotions can be running quite high!

    ReplyDelete
  9. I can relate with this. I love how my mother took care for me while I am in this kind of situation. Now I can say that I came out stronger and wiser :) Sorry for sounding too cliche. Haha!

    ReplyDelete
  10. These are really good tips for helping your child to overcome those horrible emotions x

    ReplyDelete
  11. Such good tips. It really helps to have this kind of support system when you're emotionally vulnerable.

    ReplyDelete
  12. these are great tips to help a child get over a break and could be used to help roommates and friends as well too. break ups are hard

    ReplyDelete
  13. Excellent post and tips. While three of my four adult kids are in loving, successful marriages, my oldest daughter has had some painful break-ups (including one broken engagement). Fortunately, she's now in what appears to be a healthy, respectful relationship.

    ReplyDelete
  14. Move on is one of my hardest experienced in my life,not just love, but for everything happened that I can't let go or forget. Such a wonderful tips I can use it for my son soon.

    ReplyDelete
  15. This is really helpful to parents with children of dating age.

    ReplyDelete
  16. I rarely see post about this topic Helping Your Child Get Over A Break-Up and I must say, this is a must read! Sharing this!

    ReplyDelete
  17. Thank you for sharing this. My Step-son hasn't reached that age yet when he is interested in girls but I know that this will be helpful for me when the time comes. This is a really beautiful post by the way. I adore it.

    ReplyDelete
  18. These are good tips. When I was a teen I didn't tel my mum and maybe if i had she could have supported me in these ways.

    ReplyDelete
  19. Such good information! I know that Hubby and I will need this information as Baby Boy gets older!

    ReplyDelete
  20. These was a great suggestions for helping someone who need for.. Very informative criteria by showing and handling situation.

    ReplyDelete
  21. Great tips on helping kids deal with a break up. These skills are useful in many different situations as well and are great life skills to learn.

    ReplyDelete
  22. Honestly.. I'm hoping I won't need this. I hope my kids don't date around and have a lot of breakups :)

    ReplyDelete
  23. Great tips. Hopefully I won't need these any time soon. :)

    ReplyDelete
  24. These are great tips. Could come in handy soon.

    ReplyDelete
  25. These are positive suggestions to help your kids when relationships do not work out. Wrote a similar post the other day because I think adults can be so selfish during this time that they forget the little ones

    ReplyDelete
  26. I must say I mum did not about my break ups because I dealt with them like a champ. This is good to know when I have a child of my own

    ReplyDelete
  27. It can be harder to watch them go through it than it ever was to go through it ourselves. This is excellent advice.

    ReplyDelete
  28. I remember the break up of my second oldest and his girl. She went off to college and he was still in his last year of high school. She found a college man and oy his heart was so broken.

    ReplyDelete
  29. I do not have kids yet but I can put these to good use with my nieces and nephews

    ReplyDelete
  30. Such a great tips indeed. These would be very helpful and useful :) Thank you for sharing.

    ReplyDelete
  31. If break ups are difficult for spouses then I can't even imagine what it would be like for any children involved. These are wonderful tips to help get them through.

    ReplyDelete
  32. Ironically, I have a very close family member going through a rather difficult breakup right now. I am forwarding this to her. I also found this so helpful for me to help. Thank you so much! well done article

    ReplyDelete
  33. We haven't gone through this yet in our family, but I'm sure it's coming soon. These are some great ideas!

    ReplyDelete
  34. This is really 7 great ideas.
    Thank for share this post

    ReplyDelete

Feel free to share your thoughts. I would love to hear from you too.