Saturday, April 26, 2014

22 Years

It is exactly 22 years to the day that I lost my dad to cancer.

22 long years and it still hurts. Images of my dad in his hospital bed in the MICU of the Philippine Heart Center for Asia. The doctors called us all in, saying he would not make it through the day. We sat around his bedside, holding him, just feeling his pain. And then it happened. Right before my eyes, I saw my father convulse and die.

It was the darkest day in my life. I was struck by disbelief. This man who was my real life hero succumbed to such a rapidly progressing disease. My dad was a doctor and did not expect this to happen to him.

All this time, I have slowly learned to accept that Daddy is gone. I am comforted by the thought that he has moved on to a better place where there is no more pain.

Accepting does not mean forgetting. I keep my father's memory alive in my mind. I tell my children stories of fun times I had with my Dad and how he would have enjoyed seeing his grandchildren. It gives me joy in my heart to relive those times. Every time I look up at the night sky and see the vast expanse of the stars and the universe, I know my Daddy is up there in Heaven with God and all his angels. 

On this day of remembering, I pray that God would hold Daddy and tell him how much we love and miss him. I would ask God to tell Daddy that we are okay and not to worry about us. I pray that God would give him a big bear hug for me, and I will give thanks to God for blessing us with a man whom we lovingly call "Daddy."




16 comments:

  1. I also lost my dad to cancer 2 years ago. I can't forget the last time I saw him in his bed - the pain and agony was very heart breaking

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  2. I know the feeling, Jo-anne. The only consolation we have is that they are now at peace and free from all pain and suffering. Stay strong and keep the memory of your dad alive.

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  3. I do feel your pain Ai, as I also lost my mom in hospital bed, in ccu after a dialysis procedure where her blood pressure shoot high to a point of no return according to doctors, remembering that night still brings pain, that too was one of my hardest nights, I couldn't believe I would lose my mom in that procedure. But like you, I and my family comforted ourselves in the thought and assurance that she is better rested and suffers no more pain in a better place where she joins our Creator. Hugs to you, and so true, missing our beloved ones is a pain that will never go away.

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    1. Thanks, Betchai. Every year, we have to go through the pain of remembering a sad day in our lives. However, I know that my father is happy where he is and that alone gives me comfort.

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  4. Awww! Sis, your post brought me into tears :-( I am so sorry for your loss :-( I would love to give you a hug and makes you feel a little better :-) It is hard losing somebody we loved the most :-( I lost my Dad too and sad :-( but at least they are now happy with God and pain free, right?

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    1. Yes, Jessica. I am comforted by the thought that my dad is now pain free. Someday, we will be together with our departed loved ones.

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  5. wow that long already? I'm very sorry for your loss sis, i'm sure things aren't normal when the time your dad passed... give hug to you and i'm sure things aren't the same without that special man in your life.

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    1. Yes, Nova. Its been that long but it still hurts. My dad was not the talkative kind but I felt his love and care. Sometimes when I get to the end of the rope, I think of him and ask him to help me pray to God for strength to go on.

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  6. how sweet..you know i always envy those father-daughter relationship..I don't think I am gonna experience that feeling..never seen my father since birth. kaya no comment ako dito..I can't relate the feeling. hehe

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    1. That's okay, Shengkay. My children grew up without their biological father too. He abandoned us when my children were still very young. Even if they did not have a father when they were growing up, I did not have any regrets. I only wished my children experienced how it is to have a grandfather.

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  7. T can relate, I lost my father 11 years ago and I can still the pain when I think of him, it makes you wish me did things that I weren't able to when he was still around.

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    1. Exactly. There were so many words left unsaid, so many feelings that were not shared. If I could go back to that time, I would have told him how much I love him and I would have asked forgiveness for all the wrong things I did.

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  8. I have been to a similar situation 17 years ago. It is very painful to lose someone so dear to your heart. I lost my dad back then.

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    1. It is such a sad sad experience. I still haven't gotten over the pain all these years.

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  9. Cancer sucks!! So sorry for your loss!

    Jackie
    www.savingadime.com

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  10. I lost my father last year due to cardiac arrest, he was asleep and did not wake up. I can say, the sudden death of my father is expected because his already suffering many illnesses diabetes, arthritis and high blood. Although, I miss my Father, I'm also thankful his no longer suffering the pain.

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